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Kirsten's Journal

The scribblings of a retard...

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It was a dark, dark, early-September day in the year 1990. A woman was napping after just giving birth to a small girl. "Baby Innes" at the time was the same as every other child in the maternity ward. Ridiculously cute, but, unlike the other newborns; amazingly smart.

By the age of 6 months, Baby Innes (Later named 'Kirsten') had already written her first children's novel and had given her consent for the feature length film to be made of it.

At the age of 11 months, she had won a court case against one JK Rowling, who had stolen our hero’s story idea and tried to pass it off as her own.
The child took a break from writing, after her third epic hard-back hit the shelves and the public had thought of her as a three-trick pony, until, at the age of 3 years old, she made her comeback by releasing her first single. It was a risk and no-one thought it would work. But it paid off. “Ich Mag Die Disko und Tanzen Mit Das Luftkissenboot Crue” reached number one in the singles chart in 119 countries and returned her back to superstardom.

After the single, followed the album, “Kirsten Kroons the Choons” which received such critical acclaim that the follow-up album, “Sounds Like A Cow”, released when she was at the age of four, sold out within seconds and received the Jeremy Beadle Music Award For Extreme Excellence, the most prestigious music award around.
Kirsten retreated to a small island in the Caribbean, which was paid for by the money given as a result of the Jeremy Beadle Music Award For Extreme Excellence win. She has been rumoured to be living off her royalties on the island ever since. She has not been seen by any member of the public since the age of four…

…that is… until now…
24 hour party people, aberdeen, alan rickman, andy nyman, anti-jokes, arcade fire, art, art brut, art galleries, atheism, badges, bass guitars, bbc4, being a comedy nerd, being a music nerd, belle and sebastian, bill bailey, black books, blogging, breakfast of champions, british comedy, british sitcoms, camden boys, camp men, camping it up, card tricks, cartoons, channel 4, charlie brooker, chris morris, clouds, cockney, comedy, comedy writing, comic relief, david mitchell, david o'doherty, david tennant, derren brown, disneyland paris, dr terrible, dvd box sets, dvds, dylan moran, eddie izzard, edgar wright, evelyn waugh, fire, garth marenghi's darkplace, glasgow, good example: biking, good whisky, graham linehan, hugs n drugs, iamx, intellectuals, ipods, jack the ripper, jarvis, jonathan ross, josie long, kurt vonnegut, larrikin love, lee and herring, london, look around you, lou reed, magic, making people laugh, making unrealistic plans, malcolm tucker, mark heap, matt berry, media, meeting heroes, mis-quotes, morrissey, music, nathan barley, nick frost, obsessing, origami, parties, paul foot, peep show, peter capaldi, peter serafinowicz, philosophy, photography, playing bass, pulp, puns, rhys darby, rich fulcher, richard ayoade, richard herring, robert webb, robin ince, ross noble, rum, russell brand, science, scriptwriting, simon amstell, simon pegg, sitcoms, snuffbox, spaced, spiderman, stand up, stand up comedy, steve coogan, stewart lee, superheroes, t rex, taking photos, the long blondes, the muppets, the smiths, the smoking room, the thick of it, the velvet underground, trevor lock, twitter, vic and bob, vice city, wine, writing, writing sitcoms, yeah?, ypres